Andy Nahman

• Misery

  Sunday, 9/26/2010, 9:15 PM: I arrive home from a weekend in Tahoe, exhausted. Eat a small dinner and jump straight into jammies.

  10:00 PM: In bed, lights out.

  10:45 PM: I’m awake for no apparent reason. Wide awake. Like WIDE awake.

  11:15 PM: This is not funny. Considering my options: do I sleep with 1 firm pillow? 1 soft pillow? 1 of each stacked? 2 pillows side-by-side with head in between? Contemplate why I’ve given myself so many pillowing options? No pillow at all? Pillow on top of my head? Only a sheet? A sheet with a blanket? No sheet at all? Stomach? Side? Back? Starfish? Fetal? Nothing works. With a 6:30 AM wakeup call, it is too late for sleepy meds. As the stress builds, I Google “tricks to fall asleep” and waste an hour foolishly reciting affirmations and pretending my body is oh so heavy as it sinks deeper and deeper and deeper into my mattress.

  12:30 AM: I will not drink a glass of plain warm milk ever again.

  1:15 AM: I create my first monthly budgeting spreadsheet.

  1:45 AM: Well, would you look at that, my room is clean.

  2:00 AM: Finally watched “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest”. Casual Monday morning.

  4:00 AM: “SOOKIE, YOU ARE MINE.” – Vampire Bill (and me, wishfully).

  5:00 AM: I guess now is as good a time as any to catch that season two premiere of Eastbound & Down. I will not watch this show again.

  5:30 AM: IS THAT DAWN ON THE HORIZON?

  6:00 AM: Ooh, I feel a bit drowsy, is it bedtime? Drifting…drifting…zzzzzzzzzz. (FWIW, soft pillow on top of my head, sheet only, on my back.)

  6:30 AM: Alarm.

  Rest of day: Super sadface.

  27 Sep 2010